On Marriage and Selfishness

It is always available if you ever need it. All you have got to do it ask. Ask for help. Whenever you think you cannot take it alone anymore. When things weigh down on your shoulder and you cannot get up or walk, ask for help. And those who get asked, help them. It’s not easy to ask someone for help. It takes courage. If someone is crying, saying the time has been hard on them, they cannot see any way ahead, dying seems like a better solution than trying to live, even if they might not die, that feeling of  helplessness, recognize it and help them. As much as you can. As long as you can. In whatever way you can. More than getting the help in reality, the idea that there is someone who they can trust and depend on in difficult times that are hard to go through alone is more important.

I have been reminded time and again how selfish human beings can be. Recent circumstances at home are even more of an evidence. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing, it’s just a fact of life which one must accept. How easily we forget or ignore the difficulties of other people is scary. Especially when it comes to family. I have always felt and now even more so, after  your parents get you married and send you off to a new home, they slowly start to forget about  you. And they draw a line between you and them very clearly, very abruptly, as soon as the marriage is over. After marriage, it’s not your family, it’s your second family and the first one is your husband’s family. Even if it’s not a good one, you better get adjusted to it, because we already cut ties with you as  your first family. It’s a dirty, unfair world. This situation is true to varying degrees in all households. At least here, around me. Everywhere.

It keeps adding more reasons for me to not get married. It’s just that even after marriage the true reason to get married to someone might not get fulfilled. You get married to have a life long companion who is that someone you can hold hands with in tough times. Who is your support and whom you can support with all your heart. But if that doesn’t happen, if that someone becomes the very person giving you the hard times, then what is the use of marriage? I don’t think I can ever sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others. I’d always put myself first. I do not fit the criteria of people wanting to get married. It’s not for me. And that’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Marriage doesn’t define me. It can become a part of my life, if I wish to make it so. Like other parts of my life that I choose to keep or discard based on my liking. It’s optional.

   

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