gray clouds above the ocean waves

Thoughts on a Cloudy Evening

Don’t know what is coming to be? Don’t know where I am going to go or what is happening to me? It has been so much time since that and yet I cannot let go. It pains my heart to think about it. It pains my heart to not think about it. It pains my heart to just be.

Who am I kidding with my fake smile and flashy grin? I have no mirth left in my heart to light up my day like the sun shining on a sunny morning. I used to be much happier. I didn’t seek happiness. I am hurting. I am looking back and crying. I don’t want to get cured of this ailment. I am lost in my own ways. I am lost like kids in a maze. I am in the middle of a war and I don’t want to fight. I have weapons in my hand but my hands are heavy. I don’t lift my hands to fight, to save myself. I am lost in the maze of self pity and a feeling of abandonment. Nobody is responsible. Nobody but, me.

I need to sleep for a long time. My nights are getting shorter and I am sleep deprived. If I don’t start my ways afresh I am going to break. I don’t think I can take one more break and recover from it. Don’t show me affection I cannot bear. It hurt me more than a physical wound. I am looking in the mirror and I cannot recognize the face before me. Who is that? Can it be me?

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